Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Letter #12

Dear Mr. X,

I know that as you are reading this it isn't a terribly big deal since the chances are that you read my last letter to you perhaps a week ago, but I am so sorry that I haven't written to you in over a month-and-a-half.  Things have just been so crazy for me.  I finished up my summer program in Montana at the end of July and then we drove back and I just wasn't feeling inspired on the road trip back to Georgia.  And then when I got back I had to get ready to move down to school and ever since I've been busy with school work and...well, I'm sure you understand.

Regardless, I have definitely missed writing these letters for you, and I am glad that I am sitting here right now.  I am on a bench at school waiting for the senior picnic to begin, and later today I will be going to work (yep, I have managed to get a job down here at school which makes me incredibly happy and relieved).

Don't worry, I haven't completely stressed myself out over the past month.  I have found plenty of things to feel good about.  I got to see my cousin once more on my way down to GA and I am hoping to go see her again sometime soon.  Also, I went up to North Georgia one day and had an exciting yet terrifying encounter with a water snake (nonvenomous, but still).

I am trying to take it easy, but I am not going to lie, I have set myself up for a challenging semester, and once I get through all of this, the rest of my college career will be simple compared to what I am dealing with right now.  I am anxious though.  It's a big mad world out there and I am going to go out into it at the end of this year.  It's scary knowing that a year from now, I don't have the clearest idea of where I will be.

I wish I could know you now.  I wish that we could meet and I wish that I could hear your encouragement because this idea of my life is easily one of the most frightening.  However, I don't really have a choice in this and I can only hope that the reason that I don't know who you are is because we are not ready for each other yet.  I have to remember that this story is about us and not just me or you.  On the day we meet, or if we have met the day we realize we were meant for each other, it will be like destiny because God is waiting for just the right moment to make the magic happen.  If I met you today and it was not the right time, there is a good chance that I would fail to recognize you, even though I claim that I wouldn't, but I just hope and pray that God grants us both the patience as we wait on each other.  It's a lot like this letter.  Yes, a month did pass by and I didn't write, but it was not because I do not care.  It is because there were other things that needed to be focused on before I could use my energy to write as I am doing right now.

And I know you think that all of this rambling I've been doing about not writing you for a month is silly, and it probably is.  However, I just wanted to let you know that I am still here.  I am still going to write to you even if I get busy, and I care.  With all of my heart, I care.

All my love,

Friday, July 22, 2011

Letter #11

Dear Mr. X,

I'm thinking about A again, although it's not like it's a big surprise.  I just like him a lot, but I need to be cautious about our friendship because it's so important to me.  I just really want to see him again, but I guess the time isn't right.  It's still really hard though.  I'm currently a thousand miles away from him (although that distance is usually 2,000 miles) and all I want is to reunite with him.  It doesn't have to be a big spectacle or anything...I just really miss him.

That is one of the many reasons why I am glad that in less than two weeks, I will be heading back to Georgia and back to school.  It isn't that I am not busy here, because I am, but I'm not busy enough.  I need to keep myself focused this year.  It will be good for just about everything, especially my relationship with A.

Oh love, how often is too often to try to contact a guy you're interested in?  Why do us girls torture ourselves so much with the notion that we are to just sit back and let the men do all of the pursuing?  I mean, it hasn't quite worked out for me so far.  Thus far, I've never really been pursued by anyone decent.  I know it sounds quite vain, but you have to understand, if I had accepted the advances of any of those other guys, while they would have been quite happy, I would have been miserable because I wasn't being true to myself.  Therefore, I wouldn't have been fair to them.  I feel like it makes me look a little mean, but I don't want to settle when I know that there is something better out there for me.  Someone like A, or maybe not.  Someone like you.

In other news, I stumbled across this awesome site yesterday.  It's called "Dear Young Me".  It's pretty neat because you can write short notes to your past self and the best ones are actually published onto the site for the world to see.  I wrote quite a few yesterday, just various thoughts about the things in my past that still sometimes come to my mind.  All in all, it was quite therapeutic and it was great to read the notes of other people as well.  Which gets me to thinking, what would you and I write to ourselves in 2011?  Would I be telling myself to be patient because you are definitely going to be coming into my life soon?  Would you be telling yourself to have more courage with the not-so-distant future young woman that is me because I really love you?

Love, when we find each other, I want to spend our lives talking and thinking about all of the many things and ideas in this world, both within our lives and outside of our lives.  And as much as I want to find you tomorrow, as desperately as I want to learn your name, I must be patient, because with every passing day, that magical day of you and I inches ever closer.

Love like Always,

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Letter #10

Dear Mr. X,

It's somewhat crazy for me to think about, but the summer is almost over and in just under two weeks I will be back in Georgia.  I wonder what you've been up to this summer.  Are you excited about the fall?  Are you still in school, or have you entered the real world?

I am excited about completing my bachelors this year but at the same time, I am going to miss it here in Montana.  It has been a very different kind of summer for me, and within this beautiful backdrop, I have learned much about myself.

Darling, by marrying me you are committing yourself to a challenge.  I have struggled with depression since I was about 12, and while I am working hard to control it, I will not be a perfect ray of sunshine every day, and I thank you for loving me regardless, and I am so grateful that you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with me.

So, my point.  This summer has really opened my eyes to my potential.  I've realized that I can do so much more than I think I'm capable of, even though I'm not perfect.  I have always discovered something that I did not believe to be true.  You see, for years after the onset of my depression, I thought that I was struggling because the part of myself that knew how to deal and fight had died, but I've realized that I was wrong.  That part of me is still alive, and has merely been subdued during the past decade or so of my life.

But I'm ready to go back, because I'm alive and kicking, and I want to reach my full potential.  This is what the Lord created me for, and perhaps I have been through all of this so that I could learn valuable lessons about myself before it was too late for me to learn them, and I am still learning.

Writing these letters to you, and posting them to a blog, has been rather therapeutic for me.  I know that one should not get caught up in the future or lost in the future, but writing to you from my present perspective has brought a sense of excitement in my life.  I know it's optimistic, but knowing the you're out there somewhere and that one day we'll be together brings me hope.  I have not had an easy romantic life, and every day I hope that it will get easier.  I hope that perhaps the next guy who pursues me won't be a creep about it.  But I don't fear, because you're out there, and on the day we realize that we were made for each other, it will be like God has finally completed the puzzle that is you and me.

As always, I love you more than even I know,

Monday, July 18, 2011

Letter #9

Dear Mr. X,

I wanted to write you while I was here, before I had gotten home, but I am afraid that I had to wait, as I wanted to take in the moment.

Have you ever been to Grand Teton National Park?  If not, will your first trip here be with me?

I passed through the park on my way up here but I did not really get to see the park until yesterday and today, when we camped in the park.  And let me tell you, it is absolutely incredible.  Like magic, and I got to hike 20 miles or so in it.

It was not a difficult hike, just long, and the walkway to Inspiration Point was definitely steep.  I probably experienced all four seasons in those ten miles inward.  At the beginning, I was sweating like crazy, but by the time we reached Lake Solitude this morning, it was chilly and we had trekked over at least a mile of snow.  But it was all worth it.  I had seen the mountains approaching during a good portion of the drive there, but actually being within the range was an enchanting experience.  The forest is straight from a fairy tale, and we saw plenty of moose and marmots throughout the hike.  I ate glacier lilies once we got higher into the colder zones.  And this morning, I decided to be strong and brave the mile over snow to Lake Solitude, which is still pretty frozen despite the fact that it is the middle of July.

Two people kept crossing my mind on this hike though, and that is you and my father.  I kept thinking about how beautiful this place was and how much I wanted to share this with both you and my dad.

My father and I have an interesting relationship, to say the least.  I don't think he knows just how much I love him.  He has sacrificed so much for my family's sake, and mine.  However, the past few years or so have been really hard, and having to compete with your sister for his affection is not easy.  He expects a lot from both of us, and I am trying to make up for some lost ground in college.  I think that our relationship is improving, but we have a long way to go.

I really want both of you to one day hike this same hike with me, whether it's all of us together or if I go separately with each of you.  Either way it's an incredible hike and I would hate it if either of you missed it.  So let's do it!  That is, if we haven't already by the time you read this.  I love you so much!

Jennifer, the Future Mrs. X

Friday, July 15, 2011

Letter #8

Dear Mr. X,

Did you go see the final Harry Potter movie last night?  Because I did!  Epic Epicness at its best, huh love?

Ok, so I don't know how you might feel about the series.  You may not even care so much, but I've been a fan ever since that day when I was ten years old and sick in bed with the flu.  That was the day I picked up my copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, which I had gotten for Christmas, began reading it and promptly fell in love with it.  I am the girl who wanted to be Emma Watson so bad when I first heard the movies were coming out (I am only a month or so older than her).  I also had a bit of remorse when I was eleven, knowing full well that I wouldn't be getting a letter from Hogwarts.

But I digress.  Living in a fantasy world isn't the best idea, and besides, it is here in the real world where you and I both live, and where we will fall in love.

So I am thinking about A again.  I haven't talked to him or anything, but he is definitely on my mind.  I just really want to see him again.  I miss him like crazy.

It's fun to be single, but it's a little scary too.  Scary because every day it seems like more and more of the good guys are taken and thus more of the remaining guys out there are jerks.  Now you Sweetheart, are not a jerk, but since I haven't found you yet  I still have to live with this perpetual dread of being pursued.

Look, I am a romantic, and one of my greatest dreams is to be pursued by the man of my dreams (or something like that), but to get to the diamonds in the rough, you have to go through a lot of dirt, and by dirt I mean men who just won't work.

Unfortunately, I have had my heart bent too many times, and I have also been pursued by outright jerks who want nothing more than to have sex with me.  It's disgusting, and sometimes it's hard to tell a genuine guy from a jerk.  What's the good of being pursued if you feel like a piece of meat rather than someone's beloved?

That being said, I can be quite picky, and I like to think that the reason I am this way is so that I can find the man that God wants me to be with rather than settling for the first man that comes along.

But, it is scary at times.  When you see girls your age getting married every day, you keep wondering if perhaps waiting wasn't the best idea, but since I've waited this long, I must keep going.  Whether it's A, the future B and C, or some other guy that I have no clue about yet, I will find you one day, and at last all of these crazy little thoughts of mine will be safely tucked away in the past.

To the Day You Find Me,

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Letter #7

Dear Mr. X,

I believe that this is my seventh letter to you. I'm only noting this because seven is my favorite number, but still.

I wonder what we're both doing right now. Are we still on our honeymoon, or dis you decide to read these letters slowly, just one at a time?

It's crazy for me to think that by the time you read this, I will be your wife and we will be living a life that I can only imagine. I mean, I don't even know where we'll be living, and I suppose, knowing me, it could be anywhere. I suppose that the next few years will help where we live, which is I guess where I will meet you. But I'm making too many assumptions here, and only time will be able to reveal the truth to me.

I hope that whenever I do meet you though, I still want to have a desire to have lots of adventures. That would be wonderful for us when we are dating and beyond. I recently went kayaking for the first time, and so wouldn't it be awesome for us to go sailing together early in our relationship? I have always loved the water, and so if we could get a little sailboat, even if it's just a rental, and we could take it out on the water somewhere. Yes, that would be an amazing experience for us, just you and me on the water, our minds solely focused on each other.

Love, I know it will be hard, but can you promise me that we'll have lots of adventures? I will always love you of course, but I really want our lives to be exciting, no matter what.  I know that every day can't always be exciting; we both have our careers and we will have to support ourselves and our future family.  However, I want us to one day, many many years from now (as you're reading this), look back on our marriage with thoughts about how much fun we have had over the years, as we sail into the sunset, together.

I love you so much!
The Future Mrs. X

Monday, July 11, 2011

Letter #6

Dear Mr. X,

I went on another hike today, and the scenery was so beautiful I felt like I was in the Sound of Music (I sang a little from it too as a matter of fact).  Overall quite a surprising and lovely day (despite the fact that I got a sunburn, I'm not used to the lack of protection from city smog but isn't that a good thing?), and in the morning, to my own surprise, a squirrel decided to come over to me and cling onto my jeans on my left leg for a short moment, and that has never happened to me before.  The hike was about ten miles in total, although it was nicely split so I was able to have lunch and enjoy a nap in the meadow before we headed back down the pass.

So I suppose it is time to tell you about the current state of my love life in this letter.  I'm not sure how you will feel about this, hearing about all of the other men that I am interested in before I meet you, but I am doing this to preserve these moments of my life for you.  Also, one day, one of these men will be you (although if guy A ended up being you, I'd be awfully surprised by my luck) and one of the purposes of these letters is for you to see how I will fall in love with you.  Therefore, I have to tell you because there is more to these letters than the immense love that I already feel for you (as it is a preservation of the life I am living right now at twenty-one and however long I have before I meet you at last).

So, for privacy's sake, let's call this guy A, as he is the first guy I am interested in since beginning these letters.  Anyway, I have known A for a very long time, since I was about 11 to be exact.  When I was 13, I had a crush on him, but I brushed that one aside because I believed there was no way that he and I would ever be together.  Well, I was wrong.  When I was 17, we were briefly together, although it was very casual.  Anyway, he went off to college at that point and I moved on with my life.  The following year he joined the military.  Time passed, and last year he contacted me once again, although merely on a friendly basis.  This year, he contacted me again after his girlfriend broke up with him, and we have been talking fairly regularly ever since, although a relationship is definitely not in the works at the moment.

I would love to have a relationship with A because, in my opinion, he is amazing.  He is ever gracious and, at least with me, he has always been respectful and he always does what it best for our friendship.  He has made quite a few mistakes in his life, but I feel like he is learning from them and I honestly can overlook the mistakes in his life.  Right now, I know that a relationship is out of the question, as we are nowhere near close enough, but I want us to be closer, and eventually, I think we could have a wonderful relationship.  I doubt he feels the same way, but if he is ever willing to give me a chance, unless I have moved on, I will take it.

Right now, I know that it is hard for him in the military.  He is homesick, and while I am homesick as well I can rejoice in the fact that I will be home within a month, whereas he has no idea when his next chance to come home will be.  All I know is, when that day comes, I really want to see him, have coffee or something.  We desperately need to catch up in person.  It might clear up a lot of my feelings, or it may just make me want to date him more.  It's hard to say, but overall, it would be great for our friendship for us to reunite.

I hope that wasn't too hard for you to read Sweetheart, but if I am going to find you one day, I have to actually look for you, and I have to start somewhere right?  And if you are not A, just imagine what you will feel when you get to read the letter in which I meet you.  It will be pretty special won't it?  And remember, though my heart may wander now, eventually it will find you, and since you will marry me you have already earned my love, even though neither of us know any of this yet.

Jennifer, the Future Mrs. X

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Letter #5

Dear Mr. X,

I went on a beautiful hike near the Continental Divide today, and I saw some lovely wildflowers along the way.  Spring and summer never cease to amaze me, for as cold and barren as the world can be during the winter (although since I live year-round in Georgia I doubt I know what a real winter really is) it always makes way for the beauty of life in the spring, and even the barrenness of winter can be appreciated.

I suppose that this is the place I am at right now in my life.  This is not to say that I am in the winter of my life yet, because I am certainly not, but have you ever noticed how the year begins in the winter?  I've always found that to be a little odd since spring is the first season, and yet, there may be something symbolic to the placement of the seasons.  At the beginning of life, you have virtually nothing to show for your life because there is nothing much to it yet.  However, you are still growing and eventually, spring will come and you will blossom.

But it really makes me wonder how long winter really lasts at the beginning of life.  When do you really blossom?  Is it when you reach adolescence or does it take longer than that?  It must be different for everyone, just as spring comes to different places in the world at different times every year (for as I write this it feels like spring in MT while in GA it must be the middle of a hot summer).

Yet as much as I struggle to achieve my full potential, I sometimes wonder what you are having to deal with as I go through my own triumphs and struggles in life's journey.  Where are you, right now, as I write this?  I know it will probably be difficult to recall years from now when we are married and I have given you this letter and all of the others I have written for you to read, but I am honestly curious.  What is going on in your life right now?  What are you struggling with?  I wish I could know all of these things about you, but unfortunately at this point in my life all I can possibly know of you is what I dream about you, which means I am essentially staring at a blank slate and trying to picture something there.

But I take comfort in knowing that you are out there.  Sure, nothing is a guarantee in life, but I know that you're out there and these letters are my way of expressing my love for you even before we've met.  You could be living really close to me, or perhaps you're thousands of miles away from where I live, but you are here on this Earth right now, and in the not-so-distant future, we will find one another and I will finally learn your name.

And you'll learn mine.  Suddenly your Mrs. X will become Mrs. Jennifer X, and our lives will never be the same.  I don't know if this realization will be the dawn of spring for my life just yet, but when we meet, spring will definitely be in the air, at least in my life.

I hope this wasn't too far out, love, but I like to express what I feel.

Your future Mrs. X

Friday, July 8, 2011

Letter #4

Like an apple on a tree
Hiding out behind the leaves
I was difficult to reach
But you picked me
Like a shell upon a beach
Just another pretty piece
I was difficult to see
But you picked me
Yeah you picked me
 Good Morning Sweetheart!  Or perhaps it isn't the morning as you read this.

This is probably a rare letter to you to be honest.  Rare because I am not a morning person - I really wonder if that's still true now though because I have always wanted to become a morning person.  It's just really really hard when you're a night owl.

Anyway, the point of this letter of mine: how grateful I am to have you in my life.  I discovered the above lyrics yesterday and to be honest I would not be surprised if you have already heard this song (You Picked Me by A Fine Frenzy) because I love it so much I just might have to have it played (though I'd ideally like to sing it myself) at our wedding.  The chorus pretty much sums up my feelings.  Out of all the women in the world, and despite my flaws and quirks, you picked me.

You know, as I am writing this letter, a strange thought occurred to me, and I wonder if you would agree.  Even though neither of us can literally travel through time, these letters, in their own way, are like my own little version of The Time Traveler's Wife.  I say this because as I am speaking to you right now, I am twenty-one, unmarried, and I have yet to know you.  However, as you are reading this, I am older so you are too, and you are married to me.  How is life on the other side?

Don't get me wrong here.  I am in no rush to be married.  As much as I would love to finally know your name Mr. X, my life is such an intricate thing full of details and many many dreams.  I know that I will know your name one day, and I'll also know what you look like and where you come from and I'll have an idea about where you're going.  Also, in the meantime I can use this extra time to transform into more of the woman you'll fall in love, although I am already her.  But it's all in the details right?

I wonder if you think of me like I think of you.  Not that you would think in the same way that I do of course, since men and women think so differently most of the time it seems.  However, I wonder if you know me as Miss Y or something.  Although then again, if you wanted to fantasize about marrying me, you already know what my last name will be once I've married you, and that's somewhat troubling since you probably aren't thinking about this so much.  It's such a feminine thing I feel, but perhaps I'm just stereotyping here.  Still, it's difficult to fantasize about marrying you and having your children when you are an unknown variable.

And yet I still dream.  I can't not dream about this.  It just gives me this sense of hope for my own future, and I cannot wait for the dream to come true.  And believe me, I will not miss dreaming about this once it becomes reality.  If anything, I want it to bring a lot of excitement to my life.  It will not be completely easy of course; in fact, marriage is hard but I think that is why I am still single at the moment.  That way, I will be able to handle everything when the time is right.

This all feels like it will be so meaningless once I am married.  All the worry and effort will have been for nothing, or perhaps not.  Still, I love you so much.  I am so glad we are married, and thank you for picking me.

Jennifer, Your Future Mrs. X

10 Things that Made Me Smile Today

Did that make you smile by any chance?

In keeping up with positivity, 10 Things that made me smile today!

1. Waking up positively
2. Biking in the sunshine
3. Eating Subway before work
4. Working without feeling tired
5. My check went into the bank
6. Discovering this beautiful song through Pandora, A Fine Frenzy's You Picked Me
7. Finding out that my tills at work are always close to perfect
8. Being able to take a walk after work
9. Going window shopping
10. Buying a pretty piece of fabric that I can wear in many different ways

Letter #3

Dear Mr. X,

I hope my last letter wasn't too critical or anything.  After all, as I write these first letters I haven't the slightest clue about who you are, but Sweetheart I don't want you to feel bad if you didn't meet my original expectations.  Perhaps God wants me to learn not to have as many expectations before I meet you.

I just want the world for us!  I am the kind of person who likes to dream big, and my dreams about you are no exception.  But remember this, as you are reading this right now, I am probably looking at you with these bright hazel eyes of mine and thinking about how wonderful and spectacular you are.  Baby, you're the one!  I picked you and you picked me and the fact that we are married as you read this is the most amazing thing in the world.

To show you even more of the love I already have for you in 2011, I would like to post a poem that I wrote for you way back in January, January 24th to be exact.  You see Darling, I was not in the best of shape in January.  My heart was not broken or anything, but the month prior I had had a very short fling (no sex though because I am a virgin) and I was going through the awkward "How can I talk to you now?" stage.  Anyway, in my bit of anxiety I decided that I would write you a poem, and so I am going to post it here in this letter for you to read.

For a Mr. X:
Who are you exactly, what is your name?
All I know of you is that you'll set my heart aflame.
I want to know everything about you, each detail
I love you, We've never met, but our love will sail
Twenty-One years I've waited, and I wait still
Pining and hoping and waiting until
The magical day during which we meet
Or have we met before, and if so why didn't you sweep me off of my feet?

I am a romantic, and I want to find your love
I've tried to be patient, with peace like a dove
I cannot say I haven't made mistakes along the way
But let's let all be forgotten, on that magic day
When you and I realize that we cannot
Live without our lives tied in knots
I am ready to meet you, and know we're true
Mr. X, you'll have a real name then, and I'll love you

I don't understand how I can love someone who is such an unknown to me at this time of my life, but honestly Love I am ecstatic that you will one day decide that I am the woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with, and that means the world to me.

Love love love!
Your Future Wife

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Just for fun...

I thought I would post one of those fun survey things on here!

Ultimate "About Me":

001. What is Your Name?Jennifer
002. How old are you?21
003. What is the link to your website, blog, or myspace?
004. What is your height?5'3"
005. Do you have any siblings?Two, a brother and a sister
006. What is your eye colour?Hazel
007. What is your hair colour?Chestnut brown
008. Do you wear glasses or contacts?Both, but mainly contacts
009. Are you right handed or left handed?Righty
010. Do you have any piercings?I have two holes in each of my ears
011. Do you smoke?No
012. Do you swear?I try not to.
013. Do you get along with your parents?Working on it...
014. Your heritageAmerican with a British/Scottish Ancestry
015. Your fearsI have a good few...
016. Goal you would like to achieve this yearMake decent grades in school, work on my health, same old same old
017. Most overused phrase on an instant messengerLol
018. Best Physical FeatureMy skin
019. Your bedtimeDepends
020. What time do you arise in the morning?Depends but I try to get as much sleep as I can
021. First thoughts waking up?I am usually thinking about a deadline
022. Do you shower daily?Yes
This Or That?
023. Bright or dark room?Bright but not too bright
024. Chocolate or vanilla?Chocolate
025. Dogs of cats?Both
026. Pepsi or Coke?Coke
027. McDonalds or Burger King?Neither
028. Ant or Dec?So this survey is from the UK so I really can't decide
029. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea?Neither, Republic of Tea instead!
030. Cappuccino or Coffee?Coffee
In the last month have you...
031. Drank alcohol?Nope
032. Gone to a mall?Nope
033. Eaten a box of Oreos?Nope
034. Eaten sushi?Nope
035. Been on stage?Yes
036. Been dumped?No
037. Gone skinny dipping?No
038. Stolen Anything?No
Have you ever...
039. Laughed for no reason?Of course!
040. Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do?Sure
041. Been in love?Thought so, but I doubt I really was
042. Fired a gun?Yes
043. Been drunk?Yes but never terribly
044. Been called a Tease?Perhaps
045. Been beaten up?Not really
046. Shoplifted?Nah
What was the last....
047. Furry thing you touched?A dog the other day
048. Thing you've said?Something about a hairbrush
049. Song you've listened to?Cosmic Love by Florence and the Machine (Love it!)
050. (Who was the last) person you've spoken to on the phone?That's a little personal for on here.
051. Movie you watched?Idk...Dawn Treader maybe?
052. Thing you were doing before this?Blogging
053. Time you cried?Monday
054. Song you've sang?Can't remember but I'm always singing
055. Time you looked at the clock?A few seconds ago
056. Food and drink you've had?A bowl of cereal with milk
057. Flavour of gum you've chewed?Mint chocolate
058. Shoes you've worn?My work shoes
059. Store you've been in?One of the gift shops in town I think
060. Planet?Neptune
061. Age you've been so far?16
062. Season?Spring
063. Number?7
064. TV show?Right now?  Glee
065. Flower?Iris
066. How much cash do you have on you?Like $12
067. What's a word that rhymes with 'door'?More
068. What T-Shirt are you wearing?My College Homecoming shirt
069. What brand of shoes are you wearing?None
070. What did your last text message say?Yeah.
071. What were you doing at midnight last night?Trying to go to sleep
072. What's your current desktop picture?A buffalo
073. What's a word that you say a lot?Lots of words
074. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?Lilac or yellow
075. How is the weather right now?Beautiful
076. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?How they carry themselves, and their eyes
077. Are you too shy to ask someone out?It depends
078. Can you do a headstand (not using a wall)?No
079. Who would you like to see right now?Lots of people
080. How many pillows do you sleep with?Anywhere from two to four
081. Would you go on a date with someone on MySpace?No, I'm a vis-a-vis girl
082. How do you want to die?Peacefully
083. What do you want to be when you grow up?Ideally a lawyer
084. What country would you most like to visit?Preferably France or Britain
085. How many CDs do you own?Quite a few
086. How many things, in your past, do you regret?A good few, but I can't regret
087. Do you think you are attractive?In some ways yes, in others no
088. Do you believe in yourself?Most of the time
089. Do you want to get married?Yes
In a boy/girl...
090. Favourite eye colour?Hazel or green
091. Favourite hair colour?Brown
092. Short or long hair?Middleish
093. Height?Taller than me
094.Weight?                                      Fit          

Greetings and Salutations Friends! :)

This is not a letter, just the first of many random posts that I will post at my own discretion.

Welcome to my blog!  It's good to have you here and I hope that you will enjoy it!  :)

It's a little crazy how all of this came about, but it all started just two days ago on the Fourth of July.  You see, I wasn't feeling well that morning.  I am quite sensitive and on top of that I've had depression before and this was one of those times when I let my emotions get the best of me I am afraid.  Anyway, as I was trying to calm down, I decided to write a letter to my future husband, who I like to refer to in my mind as Mr. X, because he is so unknown to me at this present time.

There is so much hype about a girl and her marriage in my opinion.  For example, I spent most of my growing-up years living in Georgia, where I still live.  Now, there are quite a few young women down here who seem pretty desperate to be married by the age of 22, and in high school, when I wanted to be a bride at 25, girls were shocked that I wanted to wait so long.

But really, why such a rush?  Just because you wait a little longer than other women doesn't mean you're running on less time or anything.  Marriage is a big commitment, and trust me, I've seen young women get married and divorced in no time at all.  I've also seen girls younger than me have children with no fathers to take care of them, and to all of that, I feel like screaming "What's the rush?"

Here's who I am.  I am twenty-one years old, single, and content with that status.  That isn't to say that there is never anyone that I want to date, because there usually is someone that I'm eying, but really, what's the rush?  My best experiences with love and romance have been spontaneous and unexpected rather than something I was torturing myself with through my own anticipation.

Besides, I have work to do before I love someone else, and that is learning how to love myself.  That is why this blog is to be a positive environment where I can focus positive things and positive energy.  While most of my entries will be letters to my darling Mr. X, I will also be happy to fill up these pages with lovely little blurbs and thoughts and things that I hope will make you smile.

Now, this is an anonymous blog, and I intend to keep it that way at least until I get married.  Why?  Because I want all of this to be a surprise for Mr. X, and making it public would be really hard.  Now, my name really is Jennifer and I really am from Georgia, but that is all that I intend to disclose.  The pictures of me are real as well, but I am only posting pictures that give you only a slight idea of who I am.  But don't worry, just as one day the true identity of Mr. X will be revealed to me, I have every intention of revealing myself to you as well.

Oh, if you want, feel free to email me at  I look forward to hearing from you!

Jennifer, the Future Mrs. X

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Letter #2

Dear Mr. X,

I wonder when you'll be reading this next letter of mine.  Will it be right after the first one or will it be after our honeymoon (which I am totally sure will be fabulous)?  Anyway, I wanted to take the time to write about my hopes and dreams for you...or to put it bluntly, my expectations.

Now, please understand that since I am flawed I will appreciate your flaws, or whatever expectations I list that you somehow don't fulfill.  After all, I can forget many flaws in a heartbeat if there are other traits and aspects that will make up for them, and I am sure that I will forget all about them and only focus on the good, because that will be why I love you so much.  And likewise, I am sure that I too will have flaws (for I am flawed love, believe me) that will drive you bonkers.  I merely want to preserve these expectations for the moment and see how they change in the future.

So...what do I really want to see in you?

Well, I'd really like for you to be intelligent, and preferably doing something with your life.  Honestly, I think you'll have both of these in the bag when we marry, for just about every guy I have ever fallen for has been smart.  I have this expectation when it comes to dating for the sakes of both me and the guy.  The fact is, I want to be able to have an intelligent conversation with my love about just about any subject, and I do not want the man I'm with to ever feel trumped by me, and that's the point.  I want us to be equal partners in crime as far as our minds go.

Also, I would enjoy it if you were funny, but considering that I am not I can easily let this one go.  I am pretty sarcastic though, and I think that would probably go along with the smart trait, don't you think?  No matter what, I do know that I want the two of us to share an incredible number of inside jokes together.

Physically, I do not have too many expectations although I would like for you to ideally be fit, but like I said, no one is perfect and I am no exception to this rule.  However, I would like for you to have the desire to be physically fit if you aren't already.  I have struggled with my weight for the past decade or so, and let's face the facts: since you and I will be married, I will one day be having your children, and how can I get to pre-pregnancy fitness if you are not trying to be an example and a teammate with me.  Also, I want both of us to influence our children to be fit as well.  In a world where more and more children are becoming overweight at an earlier age, I am determined to help my children to be healthy, even though they aren't here yet.

Spiritually, I want you (no I need you) to be open to the Christian faith.  This is probably my most important expectation.  You see, I am a girl who has known life on the line between being a Christian and being an agnostic, and it is not a fulfilling place at all.  As complicated as my life is, my faith in Christ brings me an incredible amount of peace, and ideally I want a man who I can be rest-assured is someone who I can spend the rest of eternity with after we die.  I mean, I know that marriage is only until death dues us part since it does not exist in heaven, but I am the kind of person who wants everyone she loves with her when all is said and done.  Now, ideally it would be great if you were a Christian when I meet you, but if you are not, I want you to at least be open to the ideas of Christianity, as well as open to the prospects of connecting to a church and raising any children we have as Christians.  I will not try to convert you though.  I respect your ideas just as you will hopefully respect mine.  But a relationship with God is absolutely fulfilling.  He has pursued me my entire life, even as I wondered about the reality of His existence as a teenager.

But most importantly, remember that I love you, as flawed and imperfect as you are.  You are wonderful, and that is one expectation that I know will be true.

All my love,
The Future Mrs. X

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Letter #1

Dear Mr. X,

Congratulations to the both of us on starting the great adventure that is the rest of our lives together!  This is what I hope to be the first of many letters I write to you, but by the time you read this, I will no longer know you as Mr. X, and you and I will be celebrating the beginning of our marriage.

I have toyed with the idea of writing letters to you for several years now, but it is only as I write this first letter that I see this idea truly come into fruition, and I am glad to be doing this for you, because even though I have no idea who you are at this moment, I really want to capture the parts of me who I am right now so that you can see how God will shape the woman that you are destined to fall in love with during the time between now and the moment you and I make our vows to love each other for the rest of our lives.  And even though I am certain that by now that you probably know about my life in a significant amount of detail, because knowing who I am, I will have told you all of this while we were dating, it is nice for me to know that you will be reading the thoughts and ideas of a woman whom you don't even know just yet, or perhaps, a woman you already know, and neither you nor I have figured out that we belong together just yet.  What's even better is that through these letters, you will one day be able to read about our journey as I fall completely in love with you.  I intend to keep these letters a bit of a secret, not a complete secret though since the letters are on a blog.  However, it is my hope that by sharing these to the public that I (a woman who is not always the best at keeping secrets) can keep them secret from you until this magical day in the not-so-distant future when you are reading this and I am probably on the bed of our honeymoon suite, dressed completely in white with the exception of my beet-red face.  :)

I am from Georgia.  And as you know very well by now, I was born in Arizona but my parents relocated us to Georgia when I was seven years old.  And you also know that, regardless of where we are living now, be it Georgia or Arizona or somewhere else, I take a sense of pride in the places from which I came.  So even though at this point I have not lived in Arizona for fourteen years, there will always be a part of me living there in spirit, and you and I will definitely be making it over there quite a bit in the future.

Although at this moment, I am not in Arizona.  In fact, I am not even in Georgia.  I am actually in Montana, where I have been working for the summer, but I will be in Georgia again in less than a month.

This next year or so is going to be quite a transitional one for me.  I am going to be a senior in college, and in May I am graduating and I will need to find a real "big-girl" job.  It is a frightening time in my life, believe me.  The economy still has a long way to go, despite some recovery, so anyone would be scared at this point.

But I am afraid that these are steps that I must take right now.  The fact is, I am wearing out of school, and I know it.  I have been in school pretty much nonstop since I was five, with the exception of summers.  Still, that's sixteen years!  I am not finished with my education by any means though, for I want much more than a bachelor's degree in Political Science.  However, I need a couple of gap years to gain some work experience, pay back my loans, and figure out which direction I need to take my life in.

I am not afraid in regards to this choice.  God has guided me to this decision and besides, my idea is to go law school, and the average first-year law school student is about twenty-six, and my current ideas would put me at twenty-four when I start law school (if I start law school) so age is really not an issue here.  I just know that I'm not ready yet.  Law school (or any grad school for that matter) is a lot like my relationship with you at this point.  While both are pretty much certain for my future (although then again nothing is ever really certain but still), now is not the time, but part of going for your goals is the journey you take to get there, so I am definitely ready to see what the next few years or so bring me.

I hope you aren't mad at me for turning this into a blog, but I thought it would be interesting to share my thoughts online.  I'm not going to make this too intricate, with too many personal details, as after all I am choosing to be anonymous on here, but it would be awesome to one day look back on this blog and take comfort in the fact that I did this as a means to better myself and perhaps inspire someone else through my journey.

There is so much more that I want to say, but if I went on and on right now I wouldn't have as much to say in my next letter to you, so let's leave it here for now and keep life interesting, ok?

All my love to wherever you are,
Jennifer, the Future Mrs. X