Thursday, July 21, 2011
Dear Mr. X,
It's somewhat crazy for me to think about, but the summer is almost over and in just under two weeks I will be back in Georgia. I wonder what you've been up to this summer. Are you excited about the fall? Are you still in school, or have you entered the real world?
I am excited about completing my bachelors this year but at the same time, I am going to miss it here in Montana. It has been a very different kind of summer for me, and within this beautiful backdrop, I have learned much about myself.
Darling, by marrying me you are committing yourself to a challenge. I have struggled with depression since I was about 12, and while I am working hard to control it, I will not be a perfect ray of sunshine every day, and I thank you for loving me regardless, and I am so grateful that you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with me.
So, my point. This summer has really opened my eyes to my potential. I've realized that I can do so much more than I think I'm capable of, even though I'm not perfect. I have always discovered something that I did not believe to be true. You see, for years after the onset of my depression, I thought that I was struggling because the part of myself that knew how to deal and fight had died, but I've realized that I was wrong. That part of me is still alive, and has merely been subdued during the past decade or so of my life.
But I'm ready to go back, because I'm alive and kicking, and I want to reach my full potential. This is what the Lord created me for, and perhaps I have been through all of this so that I could learn valuable lessons about myself before it was too late for me to learn them, and I am still learning.
Writing these letters to you, and posting them to a blog, has been rather therapeutic for me. I know that one should not get caught up in the future or lost in the future, but writing to you from my present perspective has brought a sense of excitement in my life. I know it's optimistic, but knowing the you're out there somewhere and that one day we'll be together brings me hope. I have not had an easy romantic life, and every day I hope that it will get easier. I hope that perhaps the next guy who pursues me won't be a creep about it. But I don't fear, because you're out there, and on the day we realize that we were made for each other, it will be like God has finally completed the puzzle that is you and me.
As always, I love you more than even I know,