Letter #4

Like an apple on a tree

Hiding out behind the leaves

I was difficult to reach

But you picked me

Like a shell upon a beach

Just another pretty piece

I was difficult to see

But you picked me

Yeah you picked me

 Good Morning Sweetheart!  Or perhaps it isn't the morning as you read this.

This is probably a rare letter to you to be honest.  Rare because I am not a morning person - I really wonder if that's still true now though because I have always wanted to become a morning person.  It's just really really hard when you're a night owl.

Anyway, the point of this letter of mine: how grateful I am to have you in my life.  I discovered the above lyrics yesterday and to be honest I would not be surprised if you have already heard this song (You Picked Me by A Fine Frenzy) because I love it so much I just might have to have it played (though I'd ideally like to sing it myself) at our wedding.  The chorus pretty much sums up my feelings.  Out of all the women in the world, and despite my flaws and quirks, you picked me.

You know, as I am writing this letter, a strange thought occurred to me, and I wonder if you would agree.  Even though neither of us can literally travel through time, these letters, in their own way, are like my own little version of The Time Traveler's Wife.  I say this because as I am speaking to you right now, I am twenty-one, unmarried, and I have yet to know you.  However, as you are reading this, I am older so you are too, and you are married to me.  How is life on the other side?

Don't get me wrong here.  I am in no rush to be married.  As much as I would love to finally know your name Mr. X, my life is such an intricate thing full of details and many many dreams.  I know that I will know your name one day, and I'll also know what you look like and where you come from and I'll have an idea about where you're going.  Also, in the meantime I can use this extra time to transform into more of the woman you'll fall in love, although I am already her.  But it's all in the details right?

I wonder if you think of me like I think of you.  Not that you would think in the same way that I do of course, since men and women think so differently most of the time it seems.  However, I wonder if you know me as Miss Y or something.  Although then again, if you wanted to fantasize about marrying me, you already know what my last name will be once I've married you, and that's somewhat troubling since you probably aren't thinking about this so much.  It's such a feminine thing I feel, but perhaps I'm just stereotyping here.  Still, it's difficult to fantasize about marrying you and having your children when you are an unknown variable.

And yet I still dream.  I can't not dream about this.  It just gives me this sense of hope for my own future, and I cannot wait for the dream to come true.  And believe me, I will not miss dreaming about this once it becomes reality.  If anything, I want it to bring a lot of excitement to my life.  It will not be completely easy of course; in fact, marriage is hard but I think that is why I am still single at the moment.  That way, I will be able to handle everything when the time is right.

This all feels like it will be so meaningless once I am married.  All the worry and effort will have been for nothing, or perhaps not.  Still, I love you so much.  I am so glad we are married, and thank you for picking me.

Love,
Jennifer, Your Future Mrs. X