Letter #5

Dear Mr. X,

I went on a beautiful hike near the Continental Divide today, and I saw some lovely wildflowers along the way.  Spring and summer never cease to amaze me, for as cold and barren as the world can be during the winter (although since I live year-round in Georgia I doubt I know what a real winter really is) it always makes way for the beauty of life in the spring, and even the barrenness of winter can be appreciated.

I suppose that this is the place I am at right now in my life.  This is not to say that I am in the winter of my life yet, because I am certainly not, but have you ever noticed how the year begins in the winter?  I've always found that to be a little odd since spring is the first season, and yet, there may be something symbolic to the placement of the seasons.  At the beginning of life, you have virtually nothing to show for your life because there is nothing much to it yet.  However, you are still growing and eventually, spring will come and you will blossom.

But it really makes me wonder how long winter really lasts at the beginning of life.  When do you really blossom?  Is it when you reach adolescence or does it take longer than that?  It must be different for everyone, just as spring comes to different places in the world at different times every year (for as I write this it feels like spring in MT while in GA it must be the middle of a hot summer).

Yet as much as I struggle to achieve my full potential, I sometimes wonder what you are having to deal with as I go through my own triumphs and struggles in life's journey.  Where are you, right now, as I write this?  I know it will probably be difficult to recall years from now when we are married and I have given you this letter and all of the others I have written for you to read, but I am honestly curious.  What is going on in your life right now?  What are you struggling with?  I wish I could know all of these things about you, but unfortunately at this point in my life all I can possibly know of you is what I dream about you, which means I am essentially staring at a blank slate and trying to picture something there.

But I take comfort in knowing that you are out there.  Sure, nothing is a guarantee in life, but I know that you're out there and these letters are my way of expressing my love for you even before we've met.  You could be living really close to me, or perhaps you're thousands of miles away from where I live, but you are here on this Earth right now, and in the not-so-distant future, we will find one another and I will finally learn your name.

And you'll learn mine.  Suddenly your Mrs. X will become Mrs. Jennifer X, and our lives will never be the same.  I don't know if this realization will be the dawn of spring for my life just yet, but when we meet, spring will definitely be in the air, at least in my life.

I hope this wasn't too far out, love, but I like to express what I feel.

Love,
Your future Mrs. X

Letter #4

Like an apple on a tree

Hiding out behind the leaves

I was difficult to reach

But you picked me

Like a shell upon a beach

Just another pretty piece

I was difficult to see

But you picked me

Yeah you picked me

 Good Morning Sweetheart!  Or perhaps it isn't the morning as you read this.

This is probably a rare letter to you to be honest.  Rare because I am not a morning person - I really wonder if that's still true now though because I have always wanted to become a morning person.  It's just really really hard when you're a night owl.

Anyway, the point of this letter of mine: how grateful I am to have you in my life.  I discovered the above lyrics yesterday and to be honest I would not be surprised if you have already heard this song (You Picked Me by A Fine Frenzy) because I love it so much I just might have to have it played (though I'd ideally like to sing it myself) at our wedding.  The chorus pretty much sums up my feelings.  Out of all the women in the world, and despite my flaws and quirks, you picked me.

You know, as I am writing this letter, a strange thought occurred to me, and I wonder if you would agree.  Even though neither of us can literally travel through time, these letters, in their own way, are like my own little version of The Time Traveler's Wife.  I say this because as I am speaking to you right now, I am twenty-one, unmarried, and I have yet to know you.  However, as you are reading this, I am older so you are too, and you are married to me.  How is life on the other side?

Don't get me wrong here.  I am in no rush to be married.  As much as I would love to finally know your name Mr. X, my life is such an intricate thing full of details and many many dreams.  I know that I will know your name one day, and I'll also know what you look like and where you come from and I'll have an idea about where you're going.  Also, in the meantime I can use this extra time to transform into more of the woman you'll fall in love, although I am already her.  But it's all in the details right?

I wonder if you think of me like I think of you.  Not that you would think in the same way that I do of course, since men and women think so differently most of the time it seems.  However, I wonder if you know me as Miss Y or something.  Although then again, if you wanted to fantasize about marrying me, you already know what my last name will be once I've married you, and that's somewhat troubling since you probably aren't thinking about this so much.  It's such a feminine thing I feel, but perhaps I'm just stereotyping here.  Still, it's difficult to fantasize about marrying you and having your children when you are an unknown variable.

And yet I still dream.  I can't not dream about this.  It just gives me this sense of hope for my own future, and I cannot wait for the dream to come true.  And believe me, I will not miss dreaming about this once it becomes reality.  If anything, I want it to bring a lot of excitement to my life.  It will not be completely easy of course; in fact, marriage is hard but I think that is why I am still single at the moment.  That way, I will be able to handle everything when the time is right.

This all feels like it will be so meaningless once I am married.  All the worry and effort will have been for nothing, or perhaps not.  Still, I love you so much.  I am so glad we are married, and thank you for picking me.

Love,
Jennifer, Your Future Mrs. X

10 Things that Made Me Smile Today

Did that make you smile by any chance?

In keeping up with positivity, 10 Things that made me smile today!

1. Waking up positively
2. Biking in the sunshine
3. Eating Subway before work
4. Working without feeling tired
5. My check went into the bank
6. Discovering this beautiful song through Pandora, A Fine Frenzy's You Picked Me
7. Finding out that my tills at work are always close to perfect
8. Being able to take a walk after work
9. Going window shopping
10. Buying a pretty piece of fabric that I can wear in many different ways

Letter #3

Dear Mr. X,

I hope my last letter wasn't too critical or anything.  After all, as I write these first letters I haven't the slightest clue about who you are, but Sweetheart I don't want you to feel bad if you didn't meet my original expectations.  Perhaps God wants me to learn not to have as many expectations before I meet you.

I just want the world for us!  I am the kind of person who likes to dream big, and my dreams about you are no exception.  But remember this, as you are reading this right now, I am probably looking at you with these bright hazel eyes of mine and thinking about how wonderful and spectacular you are.  Baby, you're the one!  I picked you and you picked me and the fact that we are married as you read this is the most amazing thing in the world.

To show you even more of the love I already have for you in 2011, I would like to post a poem that I wrote for you way back in January, January 24th to be exact.  You see Darling, I was not in the best of shape in January.  My heart was not broken or anything, but the month prior I had had a very short fling (no sex though because I am a virgin) and I was going through the awkward "How can I talk to you now?" stage.  Anyway, in my bit of anxiety I decided that I would write you a poem, and so I am going to post it here in this letter for you to read.

For a Mr. X:
Who are you exactly, what is your name?
All I know of you is that you'll set my heart aflame.
I want to know everything about you, each detail
I love you, We've never met, but our love will sail
Twenty-One years I've waited, and I wait still
Pining and hoping and waiting until
The magical day during which we meet
Or have we met before, and if so why didn't you sweep me off of my feet?

I am a romantic, and I want to find your love
I've tried to be patient, with peace like a dove
I cannot say I haven't made mistakes along the way
But let's let all be forgotten, on that magic day
When you and I realize that we cannot
Live without our lives tied in knots
I am ready to meet you, and know we're true
Mr. X, you'll have a real name then, and I'll love you
Forever.

I don't understand how I can love someone who is such an unknown to me at this time of my life, but honestly Love I am ecstatic that you will one day decide that I am the woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with, and that means the world to me.

Love love love!
Your Future Wife

Just for fun...

I thought I would post one of those fun survey things on here!

Ultimate "About Me":

001. What is Your Name? Jennifer 002. How old are you? 21 003. What is the link to your website, blog, or myspace? http://thefuturemrsx.blogspot.com General 004. What is your height? 5'3" 005. Do you have any siblings? Two, a brother and a sister 006. What is your eye colour? Hazel 007. What is your hair colour? Chestnut brown 008. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Both, but mainly contacts 009. Are you right handed or left handed? Righty 010. Do you have any piercings? I have two holes in each of my ears 011. Do you smoke? No 012. Do you swear? I try not to. 013. Do you get along with your parents? Working on it... 014. Your heritage American with a British/Scottish Ancestry 015. Your fears I have a good few... 016. Goal you would like to achieve this year Make decent grades in school, work on my health, same old same old 017. Most overused phrase on an instant messenger Lol 018. Best Physical Feature My skin 019. Your bedtime Depends 020. What time do you arise in the morning? Depends but I try to get as much sleep as I can 021. First thoughts waking up? I am usually thinking about a deadline 022. Do you shower daily? Yes This Or That? 023. Bright or dark room? Bright but not too bright 024. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate 025. Dogs of cats? Both 026. Pepsi or Coke? Coke 027. McDonalds or Burger King? Neither 028. Ant or Dec? So this survey is from the UK so I really can't decide 029. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea? Neither, Republic of Tea instead! 030. Cappuccino or Coffee? Coffee In the last month have you... 031. Drank alcohol? Nope 032. Gone to a mall? Nope 033. Eaten a box of Oreos? Nope 034. Eaten sushi? Nope 035. Been on stage? Yes 036. Been dumped? No 037. Gone skinny dipping? No 038. Stolen Anything? No Have you ever... 039. Laughed for no reason? Of course! 040. Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do? Sure 041. Been in love? Thought so, but I doubt I really was 042. Fired a gun? Yes 043. Been drunk? Yes but never terribly 044. Been called a Tease? Perhaps 045. Been beaten up? Not really 046. Shoplifted? Nah What was the last.... 047. Furry thing you touched? A dog the other day 048. Thing you've said? Something about a hairbrush 049. Song you've listened to? Cosmic Love by Florence and the Machine (Love it!) 050. (Who was the last) person you've spoken to on the phone? That's a little personal for on here. 051. Movie you watched? Idk...Dawn Treader maybe? 052. Thing you were doing before this? Blogging 053. Time you cried? Monday 054. Song you've sang? Can't remember but I'm always singing 055. Time you looked at the clock? A few seconds ago 056. Food and drink you've had? A bowl of cereal with milk 057. Flavour of gum you've chewed? Mint chocolate 058. Shoes you've worn? My work shoes 059. Store you've been in? One of the gift shops in town I think Favourite... 060. Planet? Neptune 061. Age you've been so far? 16 062. Season? Spring 063. Number? 7 064. TV show? Right now?  Glee 065. Flower? Iris Random... 066. How much cash do you have on you? Like $12 067. What's a word that rhymes with 'door'? More 068. What T-Shirt are you wearing? My College Homecoming shirt 069. What brand of shoes are you wearing? None 070. What did your last text message say? Yeah. 071. What were you doing at midnight last night? Trying to go to sleep 072. What's your current desktop picture? A buffalo 073. What's a word that you say a lot? Lots of words 074. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Lilac or yellow 075. How is the weather right now? Beautiful 076. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? How they carry themselves, and their eyes 077. Are you too shy to ask someone out? It depends 078. Can you do a headstand (not using a wall)? No 079. Who would you like to see right now? Lots of people 080. How many pillows do you sleep with? Anywhere from two to four 081. Would you go on a date with someone on MySpace? No, I'm a vis-a-vis girl 082. How do you want to die? Peacefully 083. What do you want to be when you grow up? Ideally a lawyer 084. What country would you most like to visit? Preferably France or Britain 085. How many CDs do you own? Quite a few 086. How many things, in your past, do you regret? A good few, but I can't regret 087. Do you think you are attractive? In some ways yes, in others no 088. Do you believe in yourself? Most of the time 089. Do you want to get married? Yes In a boy/girl... 090. Favourite eye colour? Hazel or green 091. Favourite hair colour? Brown 092. Short or long hair? Middleish 093. Height? Taller than me 094.Weight?                                      Fit

Greetings and Salutations Friends! :)

This is not a letter, just the first of many random posts that I will post at my own discretion.

Welcome to my blog!  It's good to have you here and I hope that you will enjoy it!  :)

It's a little crazy how all of this came about, but it all started just two days ago on the Fourth of July.  You see, I wasn't feeling well that morning.  I am quite sensitive and on top of that I've had depression before and this was one of those times when I let my emotions get the best of me I am afraid.  Anyway, as I was trying to calm down, I decided to write a letter to my future husband, who I like to refer to in my mind as Mr. X, because he is so unknown to me at this present time.

There is so much hype about a girl and her marriage in my opinion.  For example, I spent most of my growing-up years living in Georgia, where I still live.  Now, there are quite a few young women down here who seem pretty desperate to be married by the age of 22, and in high school, when I wanted to be a bride at 25, girls were shocked that I wanted to wait so long.

But really, why such a rush?  Just because you wait a little longer than other women doesn't mean you're running on less time or anything.  Marriage is a big commitment, and trust me, I've seen young women get married and divorced in no time at all.  I've also seen girls younger than me have children with no fathers to take care of them, and to all of that, I feel like screaming "What's the rush?"

Here's who I am.  I am twenty-one years old, single, and content with that status.  That isn't to say that there is never anyone that I want to date, because there usually is someone that I'm eying, but really, what's the rush?  My best experiences with love and romance have been spontaneous and unexpected rather than something I was torturing myself with through my own anticipation.

Besides, I have work to do before I love someone else, and that is learning how to love myself.  That is why this blog is to be a positive environment where I can focus positive things and positive energy.  While most of my entries will be letters to my darling Mr. X, I will also be happy to fill up these pages with lovely little blurbs and thoughts and things that I hope will make you smile.

Now, this is an anonymous blog, and I intend to keep it that way at least until I get married.  Why?  Because I want all of this to be a surprise for Mr. X, and making it public would be really hard.  Now, my name really is Jennifer and I really am from Georgia, but that is all that I intend to disclose.  The pictures of me are real as well, but I am only posting pictures that give you only a slight idea of who I am.  But don't worry, just as one day the true identity of Mr. X will be revealed to me, I have every intention of revealing myself to you as well.

Oh, if you want, feel free to email me at the.future.mrs.x@gmail.com.  I look forward to hearing from you!

Cheers!
Jennifer, the Future Mrs. X

Letter #2

Dear Mr. X,

I wonder when you'll be reading this next letter of mine.  Will it be right after the first one or will it be after our honeymoon (which I am totally sure will be fabulous)?  Anyway, I wanted to take the time to write about my hopes and dreams for you...or to put it bluntly, my expectations.

Now, please understand that since I am flawed I will appreciate your flaws, or whatever expectations I list that you somehow don't fulfill.  After all, I can forget many flaws in a heartbeat if there are other traits and aspects that will make up for them, and I am sure that I will forget all about them and only focus on the good, because that will be why I love you so much.  And likewise, I am sure that I too will have flaws (for I am flawed love, believe me) that will drive you bonkers.  I merely want to preserve these expectations for the moment and see how they change in the future.

So...what do I really want to see in you?

Well, I'd really like for you to be intelligent, and preferably doing something with your life.  Honestly, I think you'll have both of these in the bag when we marry, for just about every guy I have ever fallen for has been smart.  I have this expectation when it comes to dating for the sakes of both me and the guy.  The fact is, I want to be able to have an intelligent conversation with my love about just about any subject, and I do not want the man I'm with to ever feel trumped by me, and that's the point.  I want us to be equal partners in crime as far as our minds go.

Also, I would enjoy it if you were funny, but considering that I am not I can easily let this one go.  I am pretty sarcastic though, and I think that would probably go along with the smart trait, don't you think?  No matter what, I do know that I want the two of us to share an incredible number of inside jokes together.

Physically, I do not have too many expectations although I would like for you to ideally be fit, but like I said, no one is perfect and I am no exception to this rule.  However, I would like for you to have the desire to be physically fit if you aren't already.  I have struggled with my weight for the past decade or so, and let's face the facts: since you and I will be married, I will one day be having your children, and how can I get to pre-pregnancy fitness if you are not trying to be an example and a teammate with me.  Also, I want both of us to influence our children to be fit as well.  In a world where more and more children are becoming overweight at an earlier age, I am determined to help my children to be healthy, even though they aren't here yet.

Spiritually, I want you (no I need you) to be open to the Christian faith.  This is probably my most important expectation.  You see, I am a girl who has known life on the line between being a Christian and being an agnostic, and it is not a fulfilling place at all.  As complicated as my life is, my faith in Christ brings me an incredible amount of peace, and ideally I want a man who I can be rest-assured is someone who I can spend the rest of eternity with after we die.  I mean, I know that marriage is only until death dues us part since it does not exist in heaven, but I am the kind of person who wants everyone she loves with her when all is said and done.  Now, ideally it would be great if you were a Christian when I meet you, but if you are not, I want you to at least be open to the ideas of Christianity, as well as open to the prospects of connecting to a church and raising any children we have as Christians.  I will not try to convert you though.  I respect your ideas just as you will hopefully respect mine.  But a relationship with God is absolutely fulfilling.  He has pursued me my entire life, even as I wondered about the reality of His existence as a teenager.

But most importantly, remember that I love you, as flawed and imperfect as you are.  You are wonderful, and that is one expectation that I know will be true.

All my love,
The Future Mrs. X